And then it was July...
Ay caramba, we bloody made it. Life's been a whirlwind: Flights were booked, jobs were quit, jobs were started (currently working three as it stands - strong like bull), emails been sent, emails received, emails not responded to, waiting, frustration, happiness, tears, laughs, good times, bad times... you name it been there, done that, got bags under the eyes to prove it. Nevertheless, at the end of the chaos, there is a light. We are almost there.
My goodness has it been a journey though. Sticking true to my word, I wanted to keep everything as real and honest as I could, cos what's the use in lying hey. Well, you know what, sometimes it just ain't easy saving, the setbacks are a plentiful. Just as your life appears to be on track and the going gets good...BAM, next thing you know you've reversed into somebody's tow bar and your car f*cks up or you've just bought an extortionately expensive train ticket, then missed your train or you've just wracked up an unhealthy tab at the pub. And let me tell you, nothing is easier done, than feeling sorry for yourself.
But now I'm here, and everything is OK and I could not be happier. However, whilst in the depths of my black dog funnies, I got a thinking (as always). After much thought, I concluded that if anything, I am glad for the setbacks. Keep em' comin' my way. Because at the end of the day, learning and growing can only ensue from them. Character building stuff and all that. Therefore, I've allowed a little space in my life for the bad, as without it I don't think I would ever fully experience nor' appreciate true good.
With that can of worms opened, many more musings and realisations followed, I've jotted them down below, and hope you will take from them what you will:
1) I've often caught myself thinking so much about what I don't have, that I lost sight of what I do. Only when I stopped, I realised how lucky I truly am. One minute your life as you know it, appears to be ending, the next you didn't think it humanly possible to feel so f*cking happy. I've found that the good really does out shine the bad, though it may not seem it at the time. If not the quantity of good experiences, then the quality of at least one. A simply glorious, warming moment that you will be grateful you ever had the chance to experience. Thus the point of this ramble: You may feel at your lowest and as though luck is nothin but an old wives tale, but it will pass and great things will follow. Take a breath, be patient, be kind to yourself, you'll be ok. Promise.
2) Following on from this, it is further important to realise you've got the keys to your happiness. The changes you make for yourself, even if small can have such a significant impact on your life. I can't stress this enough. You have the ability to go, be and do whatever your heart desires - but of course expect the set backs. Be brave 'n unafraid. Appreciate the advise given to you by others, but worry less about what they may think - as in the grand scheme of your life, it's irrelevant. In the wise words of L Man, Big L, Lachy Chops i.e Dad: If you know you tried, then that's all that truly matters.
3) Lastly, (without being too cliche) just know that you are loved. Perhaps not always by those you wish for, but those that either lurk in the shadows or whom are loud and proud, may they be friends or family. Regardless, I have no doubts that there is somebody out there who probably thinks you're really f*cking lovely. Be aware of them, be kind to them and be forever grateful for them.
Aside from my own trials and errors, inspiration this time came from artist Charlie Mackesy, who I stumbled upon during a 2 am, bleary eyed Instagram scroll. I thought his work relevant, being with my obsession for all things horse or art related, but ultimately the touching quotes attached to each picture. May they reach into your heart, as much as they did mine.
And with that, I thought it important to look back also and see how far I've come. There
was a time when I felt pretty miserable and desperate to go away, a quest to feel happy again, thinking I would never find it exactly where I was – but I have. Despite all the sh*te life seems to have thrown my way, things feel authentic and wholesome. My job, albeit busy, is amazing and my friends are absolutely wonderful, I adore them. Thus, the future appears to be less terrifying by the day. Whatever will be, will be, and that sounds good to me. Off across the pond I will fly...
So, if there is any advice I can give to you, it is to take a look back. I have no doubts that you will astound yourself with what you see. How far you have come and what you really have achieved. Be good to yourself.
I'll leave you all with lyrics from my absolute idol, unhealthy obsession and epitome of cool, David Bowie.
'Oh no love you're not alone! You're watching yourself, but you're too unfair! You got your head all tangled up, but if I could only make you care...Gimme your hands cos you're wonderful!'
I see you.
Until next time..
G x
Contented Ramblings:
Rock 'N' Roll Suicide - David Bowie
This Must Be The Place - Talking Heads
O-o-h Child - Nina Simone
Kind Woman - Buffalo Springfield
Say You Love Me - Fleetwood Mac
Freedom - Jurassic 5
Call Me - Aretha Franklin
Thinking of You - Sister Sledge
You Can't Always Get What You Want - The Rolling Stones
How I Got Over - Mahalia Jackson
Medley: It's All Right/For Sentimental Reasons - Sam Cooke
Here You Come Again - Dolly Parton
Tangerine - Led Zeppelin
Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen - Sam Cooke
https://open.spotify.com/user/gccc10/playlist/36sB6r36tKwhGLvcAfdLYY?si=Xu_7VhDkSlieTteahKGoIw
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